Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend about what actually makes content compelling enough to “cut through the noise.” As creators continue to churn out content to stay relevant and appease the algorithm, we, as business owners, found ourselves asking: How do you differentiate your own voice in all that noise? How do you stand out while still maintaining authentic expression?
There’s a difference between differentiating your work and trying to stand out. One comes from knowing what’s distinct about your work. The other can turn into managing how other people perceive you.
That got me thinking about another question, though. I’ve never cared much about trying to differentiate myself from others in my field – in fact, I find the whole concept a bit amusing. It implicitly positions me in relation to peers, creating an imaginary pressure to set myself apart from the competition.
This perspective isn’t because I think I’m better than anyone else, but rather because I already feel different – having lived a fairly unconventional life. Still, I understand how easy it is to slip into this mindset, especially when so much social media advice centers on how to stand out.
You can differentiate your work based on concrete realities: your specialization, methodology, experience, point of view, or the people you work with. But when differentiation turns into standing out, it becomes impression management. With constant impression management, you spend mental resources monitoring and adjusting yourself in response to what you think other people are perceiving.
- Am I establishing enough credibility?
- Do my opinions sound distinctive enough?
- Am I relatable enough to the people I want to attract?
- Am I showing enough personality or vulnerability?
Our internal read of how we’re being perceived is rarely aligned with reality. And even if our prediction is accurate, we still have to ask whether continually managing ourselves in response to that prediction is where we want to spend our attention.
For me, that answer is no, because social media isn’t a primary source of clients. Most of my clients have come through other people’s communities, referrals, and organic connection. Half of my clients don’t even use social media, yet they still found their way to me.
I find the whole thing, frankly, quite exhausting. If you look at what works on social media right now, there’s a lot of emphasis on strong hooks, relatability, shareable content, and showing your personality. Why am I spending so much of my time, energy, and capacity trying to stand out on a platform when I don’t particularly care to organize my work around what that platform rewards?
Again, my goal for social media is to nurture my relationships. The core of my work is deepening my mastery of guiding my clients to navigate challenges and cultivate relationships with themselves. Getting clear on what my actual work is about made the decision to restructure how I use social media easier.
Over the last year or so, I wondered why it felt like such a struggle to show up in a way that felt good on my Instagram grid. I did everything I could think of to make the process more enjoyable. The approach that worked best for me was co-creating with my executive assistant. But even when that worked, something about the underlying premise of creating endless content for my grid still felt off.
I’ve invested huge amounts of time, energy, and resources into experimenting with different ways that I can create content on social media. In the process, I’ve become more comfortable speaking on camera. I worked through one fear, then another. And after processing and metabolizing those experiences, I’ve come to the realization that I prefer long-form writing on Substack.
Sometimes we assume resistance means there’s something we need to work through. And sometimes there is. But after you work through it, you might discover: Oh. I still don’t want this.
I think that’s an important distinction. I needed to work through my fear of visibility before I could accurately determine what authentic expression actually looked like for me. Now I know that I can show up on camera.
I can share more of myself. I can be seen. The fear is no longer making the decision for me. But being capable of doing something doesn’t necessarily mean I want to keep doing it in that particular way.
Distinguishing between what you can do and what you want to do is essential; one measures capacity, the other points to alignment.
Now, I’m not saying I’m leaving Instagram. But I am changing the way I post on my grid. Since I don’t use it as a primary marketing tool, it makes no sense for me to keep creating content for it the way I have been. Once I worked through my fears of being seen, I was able to ask a different question: Do I actually enjoy creating content for Instagram?
The answer is yes and no. For as long as I’ve been on social media, it’s really just been a way for me to connect with others and nurture my relationships. I am obsessed with stories. Posting on mine, checking in on what my friends are up to. Having little conversations in my DMs. I love doing whatever I want in stories.
As for the feed, I’d really much rather create posts that can serve as a portfolio for my work. I want to reclaim my time and energy and focus it on developing my skills as a writer here, while exploring new forms of communication like podcasts or audio recordings.
It’s interesting that all of this is happening for me now, and I wonder how much of it has to do with the current eclipse season. With my Scorpio rising, the eclipse hit Leo in my 10th house of public expression and visibility, bringing up questions for me about the difference between being seen and performing an identity for other people.
Interestingly, I am the most open I’ve ever been to public expression. But I also know, deep in my bones now, the difference between letting myself be seen and performing being seen.
There’s this whole notion of being relatable. Showing my real life. Expressing myself vulnerably. And all of those things I very much want to do, but not in the form I’m currently doing them. It’s like the Instagram feed itself doesn’t fit how I want to show up.
I don’t have enough space. It feels cramped. Creating content feels like creating for other people rather than for myself. This could be so very different for you, of course. But it makes literally no sense for me when I’ve been running my business successfully for over two years and have only once had someone actually find me through Instagram.
Anyway, so I’m still creating content for the feed. But it’s going to be my way. The way I want to. It’s going to reflect my style and my work and my pace.
Interestingly, I attended a Human Design Q&A recently that gave me another way of thinking about all of this. We discussed how most Projectors don’t thrive on social media when we follow the common strategies because we’re not designed to be in constant creation mode. We’re meant to spend far more of our time actually guiding. For us, less is more. Quality over quantity.
Following my Human Design even further, I’m going to be spending days completely offline as well. These last couple of weeks have drilled home how much I need my alone time. As a 6/2 Projector who is still technically “on the roof,” it’s important for me to have time not only to recharge, but to play around and develop my Line 2 gifts.
This is part of the same experiment with authentic expression. Managing how I’m perceived takes energy. When I’m not spending so much of mine doing that, I have more available to create and express myself in ways that actually feel aligned with my design.
When the way you express yourself feels natural, you stop spending so much energy on the process and have more for the work itself. It’s also about where you’re creating, how you’re expected to show up there, and who you’re creating for.
Authentic expression isn’t only about what you express. It’s also about where you show up and how. I can feel the difference when a platform fits me. There’s more energy there. More play. More of that juicy, alive feeling that nourishes my desire to create.
I’m super curious if you have been noticing similar shifts in yourself. Have certain things started feeling more draining while others are lighting you up? Where are you spending energy managing how you’re perceived? And what might become available if you gave yourself permission to express yourself in the places, platforms, and ways that actually feel like you?
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